Devastated By U.S. World Cup Team’s First-Round Loss, Nation Grinds To Halt:
With the Dow Jones average down over 600 points, factory productivity in a downward spiral, and workplace attendance down by nearly a third, experts say the U.S. World Cup team’s heartbreaking 3-0 defeat at the hands of Czech Republic on Monday has brought life across the soccer-crazed nation to a virtual standstill.
At least that’s what The Onion‘s reporting.