The Lone Ranger

Friday, July 4th, 2014

When the new Lone Ranger movie came out, a part of me wanted it to be good, because I enjoyed reruns of the original show as a preschooler — but even the original is Hollywood nonsense:

The Lone Ranger: There, it fits perfectly. Good job, Tanto.

Tanto: Here hat. Me wash in stream. Dry in sun. Make whiter.

The Lone Ranger: Thanks, Tanto.

Tanto: Here guns, to kill bad men.

The Lone Ranger: I’m not going to do any killing.

Tanto: You not defend yourself?

The Lone Ranger: Oh, I’ll shoot if I have to, but I’ll shoot to wound, not to kill. If a man must die, it’s up to the law to decide that, not the person behind a six-shooter.

Tanto: That’s right kemosabe.

That was quite progressive in 1949, I’m sure.


  1. Rollory says:

    The thing about progressivism today is that the disease has cut such a swath we can’t help but have build up a sensitivity and levels of disease resistance that would have been unimaginable back then.

    I look at that transcript and it’s just laughable. Trust the law to kill someone? The same law that that shot Jose Guerena 22 times and left him to bleed out while prevening the paramedics from getting to him? The same law that murdered Erik Scott in broad daylight for absolutely no reason? The same law that murdered Salvatore Culosi on the street for playing in a workplace betting pool? The same law that listens to you talk with your girlfriend and archives the recording in New Mexico? The same law that tells us to take off our shoes and present our testicles for inspection when getting on a plane?

    The blind suicidal naivete of those people is mind-blowing when contrasted with its consequences.

    Happy 4th of July!

  2. Isegoria says:

    The Lone Ranger has disappeared off Hulu, so the embedded video no longer works, but that first episode is available (for purchase) on Amazon.

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