Although I enjoyed his Tip of the Hat and Wag of the Finger to Marvel Comics, it gets really good before that, when Colbert Wags His Finger at Jane Austen Baseball — because, you see, the word “baseball” appeared in her Northanger Abbey 40 years before the game was played in America.
(This was only recently discovered. The intersection of Austen scholars and sports historians is empty.)
A transcript:
Austen wasn’t writing about American baseball. It was a Jane Austen version, where the ball is not hurled about rudely, but introduced to the bat through proper channels at a society function.And one does not steal bases like a commoner. One sends word ahead to the next base by messenger, requesting permission to approach at the base’s leisure.
Of course, what the bat cannot reveal is that though he loves the ball desperately, he has sworn an oath of loyalty to the glove to whom the ball was promised. So the bat must pretend he hates the ball, swatting at it, though he wishes nothing more than to profess his undying affection, but he can’t, he mustn’t, he shan’t! And so, the bat must retreat to the gardens of his estate and pine.