Jason Segel and the Muppets can’t believe they’re hosting Saturday Night Live:
Jason Segel and the Muppets Monologue
Sunday, November 20th, 2011Art Deco and Bauhaus Superhero Illustrations
Friday, November 18th, 2011Grégoire Guillemin has produced a number of Art Deco and Bauhaus superhero illustrations
Patient BW
Tuesday, November 15th, 2011Russell Saunders of The League of Ordinary Gentlemen presents the medical records of one Patient BW:
DOB: 2/16/1971
Occupation: Industrialist
Insurance: Self-pay
Emergency Contact: Dick Grayson, XXX-269-9637Interval History: Patient was seen for his last annual physical approximately one year ago. Since that time he has had numerous visits for acute illnesses or injuries, generally accompanied either by his companion Mr. Grayson or Alfred, a senior member of his household staff. These recent maladies appear to be in keeping with the pattern that has emerged over the past several years, in which significant medical problems are associated with odd or incongruous explanations. Most recently, patient was seen for numerous areas of lower extremity cutaneous blistering, erythema and thickening, consistent with moderate to severe frostbite. Patient had reportedly gotten lost while camping in the mountains, but could not account for how he had sustained these injuries in mid-August.
Past Medical History: As stated, patient has a somewhat lengthy and complicated medical history, best summarized by system —
[...]
(Hat tip to Law and the Multiverse, which goes on to discuss some of the legal complications.)
Hey, Bro, That’s My Little Pony!
Saturday, November 12th, 2011Even the Wall Street Journal is discussing My Little Pony‘s surprising popularity with men, or bronies:
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. When Hasbro Inc. and Discovery Communications Inc. revived the “My Little Pony” franchise on a new television network called The Hub, an executive told investors the remake was for “the three- to six-year-old girl and her mom, who has fond memories of ‘My Little Pony’ from her childhood.”
[...]
The Hub Chief Executive Margaret Loesch said she is aware of the show’s strong following among young males, but says the majority of adult viewers are still overwhelmingly female. “I think part of why it resonates is the funky, flying mystical creatures,” she says. “The combination of plenty of action and heart gives it broad appeal.”Some bronies disdain Hasbro’s Pony figurines, which they find too commercial and not “show-accurate.” A pet peeve: On TV, Princess Celestia is a heavenly white, but the toy is cotton-candy pink. So the bronies frequently buy unofficial merchandise from each other, including treasures such as pipe-cleaner Ponies.
Part Two of The Veil War
Friday, November 11th, 2011Part Two of Buckethead’s Marines-vs-Goblins tale, The Veil War, is ready for action:
“Alright then. We’re on. Prep the mortar teams — I’m sure those bastards don’t realize they’re in range of our mortars. After the planes hit, lay it on them, as fast as you can — and concentrate on the near side of the south camp. The other bastards know us. We need to introduce ourselves the new arrivals. We’ll hit them on foot from the far side.”
90 Percent of What Kurt Loder Says
Tuesday, November 8th, 2011Kurt Loder has a new book coming out, The Good, the Bad, & the Godawful, and in this interview he explains the preponderance of bad reviews by quoting Keith Richards:
Citing Keith Richards seems so wrong that I have to wonder if this was a calculated effort to get thousands of geeks to publicly denounce him and cite Sturgeon’s Revelation, from 1958:
I repeat Sturgeon’s Revelation, which was wrung out of me after twenty years of wearying defense of science fiction against attacks of people who used the worst examples of the field for ammunition, and whose conclusion was that ninety percent of SF is crud. Using the same standards that categorize 90% of science fiction as trash, crud, or crap, it can be argued that 90% of film, literature, consumer goods, etc. are crap. In other words, the claim (or fact) that 90% of science fiction is crap is ultimately uninformative, because science fiction conforms to the same trends of quality as all other artforms.
The Veil War
Saturday, November 5th, 2011If U.S. Marines vs. Roman Legions flash-fiction can get a Hollywood deal, perhaps U.S. Marines vs. Goblin Hordes fiction can as well. Our own perfidious Buckethead has put virtual pen to paper to describe The Veil War:
Lewis heard the clack-clack-clack of the claymore trigger. Explosions downrange – dozens of the goblins were down. “Mortars!” he ordered. Thunk, thunk, thunk. Explosions rent the goblin line – Lewis saw the little toy figures of goblins tossed by fire and grey smoke, but they dressed ranks and kept coming. Another salvo of mortar shells dropped a half dozen more. Most of them just got up again. How can they survive mortar fire? The goblins refused to slow.
He could hear the guttural chanting of their officers keeping the time under the eerie howl of the war horns. God, he hated that noise. The ground sloped down from the village – mostly flat and sandy here, far from the rivers. Dust and emptiness, and more dust. The dessert sun gave everything a sepia cast, like he was watching a western movie with an overeager cinematographer. The goblins came on, relentless.
“Prepare to volley fire” he said softly to Pethoukis. A week ago, he never would have imagined giving that order. But between the goblin’s damnable armor and Evan’s problems with finding a target – the only way to kill any of them was with massed fire across a front. Even machine guns were hardly worth a damn. Magic, something muttered in the back of his head. At least he could deliver volley fire faster than any civil war officer could have dreamed.
Pethoukis’ deep voice boomed out. “Company! Ready!
The Marines brought their assault rifles to their shoulders. “Aim!” Neither Lewis nor Pethoukis could remember the actual commands for volley fire. Lt. Nichols might have. But he took an arrow to the eye three days ago. They’d left the body by the reservoir.
“Fire!”
The sound was still strange to Lewis’ ears. He was so used to hearing the high-pitched popcorn pop of the M4 coming off in bursts. 57 of them firing at once, in unison, was just… odd. The goblins were now close enough that he could see sparks off their armor where rounds were hitting. They didn’t drop. Another round of mortar shells hit the line – perfect! he thought – and maybe ten more were down. 100 yards. The mortars would keep firing until the goblins were close. Danger close.
His marines fired again. This time, he saw a couple drop – head shots, he knew, because that was the only way to drop them. Their armor just shrugged off 5.56 rounds. They might have been shooting BBs for all the good it did. You had to get them in right in the eye, through the open slot of the visor. His troops were good – but still, asking for a perfect shot was asking a lot, even on the range, let alone in battle on a moving target.
He paced behind the line. His men were firing once every three seconds. Wait, he thought. He followed Jackson’s aim – another head shot. Jackson said, “Red Feather!” Lewis watched him aim at a goblin with a long, dark red feather sticking out of the top of his helmet. Another hit – but that wasn’t Jackson’s shot.
He tapped Jackson on the shoulder. “Corporal. What are you doing?”
“I’m calling the shot, sir. If we all shoot at the same guy, one of us might hit ‘em.” He looked embarrassed – “It fucks with their mojo, sir.”
U.S. Marines vs. Roman Legions
Saturday, November 5th, 2011After watching HBO’s Rome and Generation Kill at the same time, some guy posed this question to the geeks at Reddit — Could I destroy the entire Roman Empire during the reign of Augustus if I traveled back in time with a modern U.S. Marine infantry battalion or MEU?
James Erwin — a technical writer, reference author, and two-time Jeopardy champion — began writing a short story in response:
DAY 1 The 35th MEU is on the ground at Kabul, preparing to deploy to southern Afghanistan. Suddenly, it vanishes.
The section of Bagram where the 35th was gathered suddenly reappears in a field outside Rome, on the west bank of the Tiber River. Without substantially prepared ground under it, the concrete begins sinking into the marshy ground and cracking. Colonel Miles Nelson orders his men to regroup near the vehicle depot — nearly all of the MEU’s vehicles are still stripped for air transport. He orders all helicopters airborne, believing the MEU is trapped in an earthquake.
Nelson’s men soon report a complete loss of all communications, including GPS and satellite radio. Nelson now believes something more terrible has occurred — a nuclear war and EMP which has left his unit completely isolated. Only a few men have realized that the rest of Bagram has vanished, but that will soon become apparent as the transport helos begin circling the 35th’s location.
Within an hour, the 2,200 Marines have regrouped, stunned. They are not the only moderns transported to Rome. With them are about 150 Air Force maintenance and repair specialists. There are about 60 Afghan Army soldiers, mostly the MEU’s interpreters and liaisons. There are also 15 U.S. civilian contractors and one man, Frank Delacroix, who has spoken to no one but Colonel Nelson.
Miraculously, no one was killed during the earthquake but several dozen people were injured, some seriously. All fixed-wing aircraft and the attack helicopters were rendered inoperable by the shifting concrete, although the MEU did not lose a single vehicle or transport helicopter.
As night falls, the MEU has established a perimeter. A few locals have been spotted, but in the chaos no one has yet established contact. Nelson and his men, who are crippled without mapping software and GPS to fix their position, begin attempting to fix their location by observing stars. The night is cloudy. Nelson orders four helicopters back into the air at first light, to travel along the river in hopes of locating a settlement.
Erwin cranked out eight days’ worth of material, as his audience ate it all up, and that led to Warner Bros. buying his pitch for Rome, Sweet Rome.
If I’d known it was that easy…
Erwin recognizes his good fortune:
Here’s the thing. I was very, very lucky to post what I did at the moment I did. It wasn’t just the idea of coming up with just the right answer — if I’d posted the same text an hour later, everyone would already be bored with the question. They wouldn’t have seen it and it wouldn’t have blown up. So that was definitely a lightning-in-a-bottle situation.
On the other hand, I’m not a fresh-faced young kid hitting it out of the park the day after landing on the LA tarmac. I’m a 37-year-old who’s been writing nonfiction (encyclopedias, reviews, software documentation) for a decade. I have years of experience as a communicator and a professional. These are all skills you need to succeed whenever you declare yourself any kind of writer. So, with a week of perspective, I think there are a couple of lessons here. First, when you see an opportunity to write about something you love, take it. Second, when you don’t, write anyway. Try your hand at new genres, new techniques. Experiment, and study, and look earnestly at any feedback you get. The best way to be a writer is to write. That will give you the experience and confidence to make the most of an opportunity when it arises — and you never know when you’ll create one for yourself.
Popular Mechanics asked historian Adrian Goldsworthy for his opinion on the scenario:
“In the short term and in the open, modern infantry could massacre any ancient soldiers at little risk to themselves,” Goldsworthy says. “But you could not support modern infantry. So all of these weapons and vehicles could make a brief, dramatic, and even devastating appearance, but would very quickly become useless. Probably in a matter of days.”
With no need to lay down suppression fire or even to take cover, the Marines can make every shot count — and if things really hit the fan, then they can rock ‘n’ roll with a few machine-guns, which should end any infantry charge.
Strategically though, they need to remember Cortés and Pizarro, and their campaigns to conquer the Aztecs and the Incas. They need allies, if only to provide food and water.
I haven’t read it yet, but Jonathan Hickman’s Pax Romana graphic novel addresses the same basic scenario — with a twist or two:
In 2045, as Islam has overrun Europe and the West openly shuns monotheism, the Vatican funded, CERN Laboratories ‘discover’ that time travel is possible. The Pope orders the creation of a private army, and led by a few handpicked Cardinals and the finest graduates of selected war colleges, they travel back in time to 312AD — the reign of the first Christian Emperor, Constantine. Upon arrival, conflicting agendas, ideological differences, and personal greed see grand plans unravel. Pax Romana is the tale of 5,000 men sent on an impossible mission to change the past and save the future.
Ian Fleming and Geoffrey Boothroyd
Thursday, November 3rd, 2011I recently found a short BBC piece on the guns of James Bond, and now I’ve found a 1962 Sports Illustrated article in which Ian Fleming shares the original letter from Geoffrey Boothroyd:
I have, by now, got rather fond of Mr. James Bond. I like most of the things about him, with the exception of his rather deplorable taste in firearms. In particular, I dislike a man who comes into contact with all sorts of formidable people using a .25 Beretta. This sort of gun is really a lady’s gun, and not a really nice lady at that. If Mr. Bond has to use a light gun he would be better off with a .22 rim fire; the lead bullet would cause more shocking effect than the jacketed type of the .25.
“May I suggest that Mr. Bond be armed with a revolver? This has many advantages for the type of shooting that he is called on to perform and I am certain that Mr. Leiter would agree with this recommendation. The Beretta will weigh, after it has been doctored, somewhere under 1 pound unloaded. If Mr. Bond gets himself an S & W .38 Special Centennial Airweight he will have a real man-stopper weighing only 17 ounces loaded. The gun is hammerless so that it can be drawn without catching in the clothing and has an overall length of 6½ inches. Barrel length is 2 inches, but note that it is not ‘sawn off.’ No one who can buy his pistols in the States will go to the trouble of sawing off pistol barrels as they can be purchased with short 2-inch barrels from the manufacturers. In order to keep down the bulk the cylinder holds five cartridges, and these are standard .38 S & W Special. It is an extremely accurate cartridge and when fired from a 2-inch barrel has, in standard loading, a muzzle velocity of almost 700 ft./sec. and muzzle energy of around 200 ft./lbs. This is against Bond’s .25 Beretta with muzzle velocity of 758 ft./sec. but only 67 ft./lbs. muzzle energy. So much for his personal gun. Now he must have a real man-stopper to carry in the car. For this purpose the S & W .357 Magnum has no equal except the .44 Magnum. With the .357, Bond can still use his S & W .38 Special cartridges, although not vice versa. The .357 Magnum can be obtained in barrel lengths as follows: 3½ inches, 5 inches, 6 inches, 6½ inches and 83/4 inches long. With a 6½-inch barrel and adjustable rear sights Bond could do some really effective shooting, getting with the .357 Magnum a muzzle velocity of about 1,300 ft./sec. and a muzzle energy of nearly 600 ft./lbs. Figures like these give an effective range of 300 yards, and it’s very accurate, too — 1-inch groups at 20 yards on a machine rest.
With these two guns Bond would be able to cope with really quick-draw work and long-range effective shooting.
Now to gun harness, rigs or what have you. First of all, not a shoulder holster for general wear, please. I suggest that the little Centennial Airweight be carried in a ‘Lightning’ Berns-Martin Triple Draw holster. This type of holster holds the gun in by means of a spring and can be worn on the belt or as a shoulder holster. I have played about with various types of holster for quite a time now and this one is the best. Here are descriptions of how it works — as a belt holster and as a shoulder holster:
A Series. Holster worn on belt at right side. Pistol drawn with right hand.
- Ready position. Note that the gun is not noticeable.
- First movement. Weight moves to left foot. Hand draws back coat and sweeps forward to catch butt of pistol. Finger outside holster.
- Gun comes out of holster through the split front.
- In business.
This draw can be done in 3/5ths of a second, and with practice and lots of it you could hit a figure at 20 feet in that time.
B Series. Shoulder holster. Gun upside down on left side. Held in by spring. Drawn with right hand.
- First position.
- Coat drawn back by left hand, gun butt grasped by right hand, finger outside holster.
- Gun coming out of holster.
- Bang! You’re dead.
C Series. Holster worn on belt, as in A, but gun drawn with left hand.
- Draw commences. Butt held by first two fingers of left hand. Third finger and little finger ready to grasp trigger.
- Ready to shoot. Trigger is pulled by third and little finger, thumb curled round stock, gun upside down.
This really works but you need a cutaway trigger guard.
D Series. Holster worn on shoulder, as in B, but gun drawn with left hand.
- Coat swept back with left hand and gun grasped.
- Gun is pushed to the right to clear holster and is ready for action.
I trust this will explain what I mean. The gun used is an S & W .38 Special with a sawn-off barrel to 2½ inches. (I know this contradicts what I said over the page but I can’t afford the $64 needed, so I had to make my own.) It has target sights — ramp front sight, adjustable rear sight — rounded butt, special stocks and a cutaway trigger guard.
If you have managed to read this far I hope that you will accept the above in the spirit that it is offered. I have enjoyed your books immensely and will say right now that I have no criticism of the women in them, except that I’ve never met any like them and would doubtless get into trouble if I did.
Fleming’s response:
I really am most grateful for your splendid letter of May 23rd.
You have entirely convinced me and I propose, perhaps not in the next volume of James Bond’s memoirs but, in the subsequent one, to change his weapons in accordance with your instructions.
Since I am not in the habit of stealing another man’s expertise, I shall ask you in due course to accept remuneration for your most valuable technical aid.
Incidentally, can you suggest where I can see a .38 Airweight in London. Who would have one?
As a matter of interest, how do you come to know so much about these things? I was delighted with the photographs and greatly impressed by them. If ever there is talk of making films of some of James Bond’s stories in due course, I shall suggest to the company concerned that they might like to consult you on some technical aspects. But they may not take my advice, so please do not set too much store by this suggestion.
From the style of your writing it occurs to me that you may have written books or articles on these subjects. Is that so?
Bond has always admitted to me that the .25 Beretta was not a stopping gun, and he places much more reliance on his accuracy with it than in any particular qualities of the gun itself. As you know, one gets used to a gun and it may take some time for him to settle down with the Smith and Wesson. But I think M. should advise him to make a change; as also in the case of the .357 Magnum.
He also agrees to give a fair trial to the Bern Martin holster, but he is inclined to favour something a little more casual and less bulky. The well-worn chamois leather pouch under his left arm has become almost a part of his clothes and he will be loath to make a change though, here again, M. may intervene.
At the present moment Bond is particularly anxious for expertise on the weapons likely to be carried by Russian agents and I wonder if you have any information on this.
As Bond’s biographer I am most anxious to see that he lives as long as possible and I shall be most grateful for any further technical advices you might like me to pass on to him.
Again, with very sincere thanks for your extremely helpful and workmanlike letter.
I can’t stop sharing these letters. Boothroyd again:
I was truly delighted to receive your charming letter. This is the first time I have had either the inclination or the temerity to write to the author of any books that pass through my hands; quite frankly, in many cases the rest of the material is not worth backing up by correct and authentic ‘gun dope.’ You have, incidentally, enslaved the rest of my household, people staying up to all hours of the night in an endeavour to finish a book before some other interested party swipes it.
If I am to be considered for the post of Bond’s ballistic man I should give you my terms of reference. Age 31, English, unmarried. Member of the following Rifle Clubs: N.R.A., Gt. Britain, English Twenty Club, National Rifle Association of America (nonresident member), West of Scotland Rifle Club, Muzzle Loaders Association of Gt. Britain. I shoot with shotgun and rifle — target, clay pigeon, deer but, to my deep regret, no big game. (I cherish a dream that one day a large tiger or lion will escape from the zoo or a travelling circus and I can bag it in Argyle St., Glasgow, or Princes St., Edinburgh.) I do both muzzle-loading and breech-loading shooting, load my own shotgun and pistol ammunition. Shoot with pistol, mainly target, and collect arms of various sorts. My present collection numbers about 45, not as many as in some collections, but all of mine go off and have been fired by me. Shooting and gun lore is a jolly queer thing; most people stick to their own field, rather like stamp collectors who specialise in British Colonials. Such people shoot only with the rifle and often only .303, or only .22. There are certain rather odd types like myself who have a go at the lot, including archery. It’s a most fascinating study if one has the time, and before long it’s either given up and you collect old Bentleys or it becomes an obsession. We all have a pet aspect of our hobby, and mine at present is this business of ‘draw and shoot,’ or the gun lore of close-combat weapons. On reflection it is pretty stupid, as it’s most unlikely that I shall ever do this sort of thing in earnest, but it has the pleasant advantage of not having, very many fish in the pond and however you look at it you are an authority. In Scotland I have the space to do this sort of thing, and have two friends who are not 150 miles away to talk to. I seem to have taken up a lot of space on this — must want to impress you!
Now to the work. The S & W Airweight model is not common in England, at least in a shop. I therefore enclose S & W’s latest catalogue, which shows current models. Perhaps you would let me have this back, as I have to send it off to another chap who is going to S. America and he wants to buy a gun when he gets there. The only people in London who may have S & W new-model pistols will be Thomas Bland and Sons, William IVth St., Strand, and Cogs-well and Harrison. Current demand for pistols in this country is restricted to folks going off to Kenya, Malaya, etc.
Some people have bought modified guns from Cogswell and Harrison. This type is a cut-down S & W .38 Special Military & Police Model. I’m sorry I can’t help regarding an actual inspection of a new-model S & W. The only people who may have one are Americans in this country or James Bond.
Re holsters. A letter to S. D. Myres Saddle Co., 5030 Alameda Blvd., El Paso, Texas, will bring you their current holster catalogue. The Berns-Martin people live in Calhoun City, Mississippi, and a note to Jack Martin, who is a first-class chap and a true gunslinger, will bring you illustrations of his work. Bond’s chamois leather pouch will be ideal for carrying a gun, but God help him if he has to get it out in a hurry. The soft leather will snag and foul on the projecting parts of the gun and he will still be struggling to get the gun out when the other fellow is counting the holes in Bond’s tummy. Bond has a good point when he mentions accuracy. It’s no good shooting at a man with the biggest gun one can hold — if you miss him. The thing about the larger calibres is, however, that when you hit someone with a man-stopping bullet they are out of the game and won’t lie on the floor still popping off at you.
Regarding weapons carried by Russian agents. I have had little experience of using weapons from behind the Iron Curtain or of meeting people who use them. I did once meet a Polish officer who was some sort of undercover man and cloak-and-dagger merchant and he used an American Colt automatic in .38 cal. I would suggest that a member of SMERSH would in all probability make his choice from the following, and use either a Luger with an 8-inch, 10-inch, 12-inch or 16-inch barrel with detachable shoulder stock or a Mauser 7.63 automatic with shoulder stock for assassination work from a medium distance, say across a street. A short-barrel 9-mm. Luger (Model 08), 4-inch barrel, might be carried for personal protection, although it is rather large to carry about. In the same class as the Luger and having equal availability to someone employed by SMERSH would be the Polish Radom Model 35. This takes the standard Luger cartridge and also the more powerful black-bulleted machine pistol 9-mm. round. It closely resembles the Colt Model 1911, or perhaps more so the Colt 9-mm. Commander. Another choice would be the Swedish 9-mm. Lahti. This is a strong and very well-made pistol strongly reminiscent of the Luger. It weighs 44 ounces loaded as compared with 34 ounces for the short-barrel Luger.
The Russian Tokarev pistol Model 30 appears to be the standard sidearm of the Soviets, and once again is a close copy of John Browning’s basic pistol. Calibre 7.62 Russian or 7.63 Mauser and designed in the 1930s. This pistol looks like the Belgian Browning auto pistol made by Fabrique Nationale, Liège, except that it has an external hammer. There is no manual safety, and if the gun is carried loaded at full cock, obvious safety hazards exist. Carried at half-cock the gun undoubtedly would be safer, but the hammer design is such that cocking the hammer is not an easy job and the first shot would be a slow one from the draw.
In this same general class would be the Walther P-38, which was used by the German army as a replacement for the Luger. Evidence is that the pistol is not quite as good as it might be, this being probably due to production difficulties met with during the war. This also takes the 9-mm. cartridge. One of the advantages of the Walther is that it can be used double-action, i.e., there is no need to cock the hammer for the first shot provided the barrel has a cartridge ‘up the spout.’ After the first shot the gun operates as does the normal auto pistol.
For carrying on the person the following arms could be chosen: Walther PPK 7.65-mm., Mauser HS c. 7.65-mm. or the Walther PP in 7.65-mm. cal., Sauer Model 38 H in 7.65-mm. calibre.
All of the above were tested for accuracy, endurance, etc., by the U.S. Army Ordnance Corps in 1948. Also included were the Japanese Nambu and the American Colt 1911A1 Auto. In accuracy the Nambu came first, followed by the Russian Tokarev, the Sauer being third. Colonel F. S. Allen, USAF, who wrote an article on the findings of the O.C. tests, concluded by saying that for an emergency defence weapon he would have a lightweight .38 Special, a decision which I heartily agree with.
I hope that when the SMERSH operative, armed perhaps with one of the guns mentioned above, meets Bond, your friend will be able to adequately demonstrate the effectiveness of Anglo-American cooperation, a competent English pistol man behind a truly lethal .38 Special.
The above should give some idea of the type of weapon likely to be carried by SMERSH men, the Russians being rather similar to ourselves where firearms are concerned. They do not hesitate to use foreign weapons if they are better than those produced by themselves. An instance of this was their use of the Finnish Soumi light machine gun during the last war. In brief, one could be safe in arming an agent of SMERSH with the Tokarev, Radom or Luger, in that order. Pocket weapons would be either German Mauser or Walther.
Please convey warmest regards to Mr. Bond and assure him of my closest interest in his activities and very willing cooperation in his ‘gun needs’ for as long as he wishes. Instead of remuneration, an introduction to Solitaire would more than adequately compensate me for the little trouble I have taken. Between you and me, I quite enjoy it.
And Fleming:
I have been away in Vienna, and seeing a man about a flying saucer in Paris, and I have only just had your letter of June 1st with enclosures.
Thank you again most sincerely for taking all this trouble, and also for sending me the very interesting information on your own career and hobbies. You certainly seem to lead a full life!
I am intrigued by your mention of archery. I have long thought that Bond could do a lot of damage with a short steel bow and appropriate arrows. What do you think of this suggestion, and do you know someone who would instruct me on weapons, ranges and so forth?
I am returning the Smith & Wesson catalogue and, since I am off to New York at the end of July, I propose to purchase a Centennial Airweight.
Would this not, in any case, be the best weapon for Bond? There is no hammer to catch in his clothes.
I am vastly intrigued by your own M & P model and by the way you have beautified it. Bond will certainly adopt your two-thirds trigger guard. I don’t intend to go too deeply into the holster problem and I intend to accept your expertise in the matter of the Berns-Martin holster.
Only one basic problem remains in changing Bond’s weapon, and that is in the matter of a silencer. It would have to be an extremely bulky affair to silence a .38 of any make and I simply can’t see one fitted to the Centennial. Have you any views?
As a matter of fact, a change of Bond’s weapons is very appropriate. In his next adventure, which deals with an intricate plot by SMERSH to kill Bond, he finally gets into really bad trouble when the Beretta — with silencer — sticks in his waistband.
It is too late now to save him from the consequences, but in the book that follows, if I have the energy and ingenuity to write one, I shall start off with a chapter devoted entirely to his re-equipment along the lines you suggest.
But in this chapter the matter of a silencer will have to be overcome and, in fact, in his latest adventure, which I mention above, he could hardly have used an unsilenced .38 in the room at the Ritz Hotel in Paris where he wrestles fruitlessly with his snarled gun.
Turning to foreign weapons, have you by any chance got the article by Colonel Allen on the findings of the O.C. tests, or could you tell me where it appeared? It sounds most useful to my purposes.
Once again, please accept my very warm thanks for your kindness in taking Bond’s armoury in hand and sorting it out. As a small recompense for your trouble I am sending you a shiny and rather expensive book on Odd Weapons which has just appeared and which perhaps you do not possess. It is not exactly on your beat, but it may entertain.”
Back to Boothroyd:
Silencers. These I do not like. The only excuse for using one is on a .22 rifle using low-velocity ammunition, i.e., below the speed of sound. With apologies, I think you will find that silencers are more often found in fiction than in real life. An effective silencer on an auto pistol would be very ponderous and would spoil the balance of the gun, and to silence a revolver would be even more difficult due to the gas escape between the cylinder and the barrel. Personally I can’t at this stage see how one would fit a silencer to a Beretta unless a special barrel were made for it, as the silencer has to be screwed on to the barrel, and as you know there is very little of the barrel projecting in front of the slide on the Beretta.
This business of using guns in houses or hotels is a very strange one. So few people are familiar with what a gun sounds like that I would have little hesitation in firing one in any well-constructed building. This remark is only regarding the noise or nuisance value. I would not fire a pistol in a room without some thoughts on the matter, as bullets have a bad habit of bouncing off things and coming home to roost. I have fired .455 blanks at home on several occasions, even in the middle of the night, without any enquiries being made. The last time was at Christmas when I blew out the candles on the Christmas cake with a pistol and blanks. To conclude, if possible don’t have anything to do with silencers.
I found this letter excerpt from Fleming intriguing:
I sympathize with you about not liking silencers, but the trouble is that there are often occasions when they are essential to Bond’s work. But they are clumsy things and only partially effective, though our Secret Services developed some very good ones during the war, in which the bullet passed through rubber baffles. I have tried a Sten gun silenced with one of these and all one could hear was the click of the machinery.
I rather like the picture of you going through life firing bullets ‘in any well-constructed building’! But I agree with you that one could probably get away with a single shot in a Paris hotel bedroom. Your Christmas trick would, of course, be helped by its association in a listener’s mind with cracker-pulling.
He had fired a silenced Sten gun, and it was in fact silent?
Anyway, this is what gun nuts had to do before the Internet. I’m having trouble imagining Bond with an American revolver.
It’s the Great Cthulhu, Charles Dexter
Tuesday, November 1st, 2011
Alien is the Scariest Movie of All Time
Tuesday, November 1st, 2011For Halloween io9 compiled its list of the 50 Scariest Movies Of All Time, with Alien taking the top spot.
A few weeks ago they discussed the “secrets” of the making of Alien, as revealed in Alien Vault:
- We owe Alien to the failure of Jodorowsky’s Dune.
- Roger Corman almost made Alien.
- There’s an actual blueprint of the Nostromo, as well as a detailed schematic.
- The Nostromo was a self-contained set.
- The Who’s Roger Daltrey gave us the weird light show when the facehuggers are awoken.
- Yaphet Kotto was so dedicated to improv, he thought he could change the movie’s ending.
- Sigourney Weaver wore thigh-high hooker boots to her audition.
- It’s a myth that the ten-minute self-destruct countdown unfolds in real-time.
Otranto
Monday, October 31st, 2011In 1988 James Cawthorne and Michael Moorcock compiled Fantasy: The 100 Best Books — which was more a list of books that had influenced the development of the modern fantasy genre, starting with Gulliver’s Travels (1726) and including a number of important but not-so-good works, like The Castle of Otranto (1765):
There are novels so fundamental to the development of a particular genre that the question of their literary merit is of secondary importance. Horace Walpole did not invent the basic constituents of the Gothic novel, but in The Castle of Otranto he combined them in a manner which became a standard formula for the next two centuries. It was the publisher’s equivalent of sliced bread. Their readers took to its clammy horrors with delight, and in growing numbers as the ‘penny dreadfuls’ set out to wring the last drop of ichor from its lurid lexicon.
(Let me stop to note that my spell-checker doesn’t recognize ichor.)
By then, the Gothic had travelled far from its original sources of inspiration. The prevalence of castles in the literature was no accident, nor was the frequency with which they were built on the iceberg principle, with nine-tenths of their structure consisting of subterranean vaults. These spectre-infested spaces were rooted in the fantasies of an architect, Giovanni Piranesi. A revised edition of his Carceri d’Invenzione appeared in 1761, featuring a series of drawings of prison interiors conceived on a titanic and overpowering scale.
Castles built nine-tenths underground? It all sounds very Dungeons & Dragons. Piranesi‘s work might serve to illustrate Dave Arneson’s Blackmoor, I suppose:
Walpole, who had already converted his Twickenham home into a mock-Gothic castle, took from Piranesi the central image of his novel, a black-plumed helmet of monstrous size. Around it he gathered the now familiar cast of wronged and lovesick maidens, unhinged and tyrannical nobles, younger sons of ancient families travelling incognito.
The Gothic novel obviously became a tired cliché — but I doubt most people today have read a single Gothic novel. The bad-but-classic Universal horror films include some of the elements — namely the castles and the rare Carpathian armadillo — but even those passed profoundly out of style long, long ago.
Books That Make Us Human
Monday, October 31st, 2011Imaginative-conservative Daniel McCarthy kicks off his list of books that make us human with an unusual choice:
I Am Legend by Richard Matheson — It’s an untrue truism that good monster stories are really about humanity, but this one is, albeit in an unexpected way. Matheson’s novella has been filmed many times; the only cinematic treatment worth catching is the 1971 Charlton Heston version, “The Omega Man.” I would go so far as to argue that I Am Legend has inspired even more films than is commonly thought, since the mood and menace of “Night of the Living Dead” owe almost everything to this book. But what do zombies — or vampires, in the book — tell us about being human? The answer lies in the twist ending, which I won’t give away. Suffice to say the story viscerally confronts us with how purblind our self-understanding can be.
Top Shot Season 3 Winner Dustin Ellerman
Sunday, October 30th, 2011Top Shot season 1 winner, Iain Harrison interviews Top Shot season 3 winner, Dustin Ellerman, the Christian camp director from East Texas:
Iain Harrison: Why did you apply for the show?
Dustin Ellerman: It looked like fun! Any time you can get to ride a zipline or a get hauled up on a crane while shooting guns, well I want to play.
IH: What’s the first firearm you’re going to get now that you’ve won?
DE: Actually there are two. That Larue OBR is such a sweet shooter, I had to have one and the 10/22 is one of my favorites, so I had to have one that Volquartsen perfected.
IH: What other plans do you have following the show?
DE: I’m going to be signing a lot of autographs! Seriously, though, I’ve had such great support from kids, that I’m going to be headed to a bunch of schools and churches to talk with the kids and have photos taken with them. I’m also planning on running a youth marksmanship camp in the Spring, once things have died down a little.
IH: Now, for the final episode, tell us about the dueling tree challenge – seems like they threw in a twist this time around.
DE: Yeah, the plates were a little bit bigger, but they were moving. That was the fourth time I’d shot a Glock, so that was cool, and I was kinda glad that Gary beat me because I want people to feel safe & it wouldn’t look good if this DHS agent gets beaten by a nobody from east Texas.
IH: At the HORSE challenge, why did you pick the golf balls as your first target?
DE: At home, one of my favorite targets are golf balls; I’d set them at 100 yards & check zero my rifles with them. I’d mentioned this in the house, so when we walked up, Gary said, “Hey Dusty, there’s your golf balls.” When Mike chose the AK one handed we were like, “are you nuts?” I tried to take up the trigger to the end of the first stage, but I was totally unprepared when it went off, but that’s what happens when you have an 8 lb. rifle on the end of your arm.
IH: The final shoot off wasn’t even close. What happened?
DE: Yeah, we had go back and reshoot parts the next day because I left the cameras behind. I caught Mike on the rock throwing part of the course because I’d been practicing back at the house, throwing rocks for maybe an hour a day then it was on to the Benelli. I had to throw in maybe four or five extra shells and then took off. Going into it, I gave Mike an 80/20 chance of winning, but he told me later that buried the front sight in the bottom of the ghost ring on that Benelli instead of centering it and kept repeating his mistake.
IH: Planning on heading to SHOT Show?
DE: Yeah, I read about the party you guys had last year. While I’m not a big drinker, I’m not missing out on that!
Serial+
Sunday, October 30th, 2011Making money from online fiction seems… challenging. MCM describes his small successes with serializing — and with what he calls serial+:
Serializing a novel is a great way to build brand loyalty (where the brand is you). It’s largely psychological, but I’ve found that readers who come back to you regularly for two or three months will tend to convert from “casual observer” to something approaching “fan”. But the interesting thing is, they don’t need to be coming back for new stuff, just more of the same. Serializing creates an artificial need to return to your site, thereby boosting your fan levels. For my serialized novel Fission Chips, I’ve seen a great shift in the profile of my readership over the last month and a half. Of my 10,000+ readers, 814 are now in the category I’d call “dedicated fans”, visiting not just that site, but reading my other titles as well. After the first two weeks, that number was only 12.
Another variation on this theme is what I call Serial+. In it, you release your book on a schedule (new chapters every Monday and Wednesday, for example), but put a footnote after the latest chapter informing the readers that at this rate, it will take them until some distant date to finish the story. If they want to skip ahead, they can donate a reasonable sum, and get the full story unlocked right away. In early testing, this model has an astounding conversion rate of 72%. If your writing is compelling, people will probably “upgrade” when they can’t take waiting anymore.