Professor Juliane House, of the University of Hamburg, has studied German v British manners:
She found (or verified) that Germans really don’t do small talk, those little phrases so familiar to the British about the weather or a person’s general well-being, but which she describes as “empty verbiage”.
There is no word in German for “small talk”
In academic language, this is “phatic” conversation — it’s not meant to convey hard information but to perform some social function, such as making people feel good.
The German language doesn’t even have an expression for “small talk”, she says. It is so alien that in the German translation of A Bear called Paddington — Paddington unser kleiner Baer — it was omitted.
So this exchange of small talk occurs in the English original: “‘Hallo Mrs Bird,’ said Judy. ‘It’s nice to see you again. How’s the rheumatism?’ ‘Worse than it’s ever been’ began Mrs. Bird.”
In the German edition, this passage is simply cut.
Might a German talk about the weather, then?
But small talk is a staple of social interaction in the UK
“In a lift or a doctor’s waiting room, talk about the weather in German? I don’t think so,” she says.
So does that mean the British are more polite? No, just different.
For their part, the British have what House calls the “etiquette of simulation”. The British feign an interest in someone. They pretend to want to meet again when they don’t really. They simulate concern.
Saying things like “It’s nice to meet you” are rarely meant the way they are said, she says. “It’s just words. It’s simulating interest in the other person.”
From a German perspective, this is uncomfortably close to deceit.
“Some people say that the British and Americans lie when they say things like that. It’s not a lie. It’s lubricating social life. It’s always nice to say things like that even if you don’t mean them,” says House.
You may wish to mention that the Germans have a polite “vous” form of their language.
To the question “how do I look in this dress,” the answer “fat” is completely acceptable and completely polite if said in the “vous” form. Clearly not so in English: dissembling is required in English.
So, given the “vous” form, the Germans do not need small talk to be polite to someone.
— Chris
P.S. Remember, no jokes during business meetings with Germans!
By the way, I confirmed this with an East German friend — but a Ph.D. in a STEM field may not be a representative sample when it comes to small talk.